Whom do you look up to the most — and what qualities in that person do you want to see in yourself?
i don't look up to any one person in particular. i think i am every influential person i've ever met mashed into one person, but with more anxiety than them. i never really grew up having a role model because i never knew what i wanted to do with my life or who i was supposed to be. if i look up to anyone, it's myself.
What do you most want to accomplish in your life?
i want to break a lot of stigma surrounding supers, motherhood and being female in general. i just want to help people.
What do you see in yourself that you dislike when you see it in other people?
i don't like when other people are bossy and i am always bossy. i also don't like when people are super self-absorbed, and yet i have literal artwork and other stuff of myself around my house because i'm self-absorbed.
What do you see in yourself that you admire when you see it in other people?
i mean, i also love seeing people love themselves, so it's a double edged sword for me.
What challenges do you most want to overcome?
depression, negative thoughts about everything, codependency, shyness.
Do you ever wish you’d handled a situation differently? How do you wish you’d handled it?
there is not a single thing that comes to this that isn't directly related to my relationship with my husband, which might say something. i tend to overreact sometimes. i act without thinking, and definitely speak without thinking. there are a few arguments i would be willing to take back for sure.
What is your biggest fear?
When you’re sad or upset about something, how do you like to be comforted? Or would you rather be left alone to process it?
i prefer to be alone because i can be irrational af. i don't like to be comforted at all because i typically don't even know what i want, which i think is just as frustrating for me as it is for someone else to have to deal with. so i definitely prefer to be left alone to process something so i don't make it even worse.
Tell me about a favorite memory.
the day i met you, obviously.
If you could wake up with a completely different permanent hair color — any color — what would it be?
i mean it's 2019, i think i can just wake up with whatever hair color i want at this point. i was going to say purple, because it's the color of royalty, and then i was going to say black, which is pretty close to my natural hair color anyway, so like...rose gold?
What do you do when no one else is around that you’d rather most people didn’t know about?
i can't reveal this information without killing every person who reads it.
If you could have dessert every day, but it had to be same thing (every day), what would it be?
funfetti cake always
whats your favorite position?
what kind of life do you want for our kid and future children?
i want him/them to grow up knowing that it's okay to be different and that no matter what, they are loved and accepted and worthy of love from the people willing to give it. i want them to grow up independent, but loved, strong but tender, and willing to say 'no' without felling guilt.
what simple gesture or thing are you satisfied by?
knuckle kisses.
where would you go if you were the last woman on earth?
to bed. but honestly, i need more information. am i stranded somewhere with nothing? is there electricity and transportation?
do you feel loved?
if we met yesterday instead of a few years ago, what would your first words be and impression of me?
it depends on the situation in which we were meeting. are we accidentally bumping into each other? did we get set up on a blind date? are you who you are today, or who you were 4 years ago? because if it's the latter, i don't think i'd say much and my impression might not be so hot. if it's the former, i think i would go out of my way to introduce myself to you and get to know you. again.
have you ever wondered about moving into a bigger home?
first of all, yes. second of all, i chose this house for a reason and i won't leave it unless it burns down. thirdly, i am over this life of excess and would rather live in a small cottage in the woods.
we set sail this summer, where would you like to go?
all over europe, please.
whats the one thing you are actively improving on?
my need to be accepted and desired and loved.
can you tattoo an eye patch or name on you to tell me it's real?
i am pretty sure i just offered to do this and you insisted that i didn't do it. make up your mind.
if we have a little girl next, will you teach her how to bust heads? if not i'll do it myself.
if we have a little girl, we are going to teach her how to take no shit and do much harm if necessary, because by the time she's older the world is going to be ugly.
what is one valuable thing you've learned from anyone who's slighted you?
to trust no one, because no matter how close to them you think you are, they absolutely do not have your best interests in mind and could not care less if they hurt you or broke your trust.
whats one thing of value you've learned from your aunt and unc'?
you can choose your family. blood or not, there are people out there better suited for you than your own family might be, so find the people who love you and want you to succeed, not the people who think you're required to love.
what were you really into as a kid? why do you think that is?
i was really into stealing my mom's leather jacket and singing into a hairbrush and pretending i was freddie mercury or meatloaf. i was also super into power rangers. turns out 30 years later i'd be wearing spandex and leather jackets, so i guess i was just preparing for the future.
tell me about any tattoos you have; if none, tell me what you would get, if any.
i got some birds, which plays homage to freedom, but also a girl gang i was part of in another life. a feather on my foot, coordinates on my ribcage, a couple small ones on my hands. i will probably get more in the future.
what's the best place to take a date? why?
coffee and a bookstore. movies are hard for dates because you can't talk to them, dinner can be hit or miss, but coffee and a boostore is a good way to get to know someone based on what they choose to read.
what's a useless or strange talent that you have?
i can play the harmonica, which isn't particularly useless, but i guess it's also not that normal. but it strengthens my vocal cords, which is important for my particular lifestyle.
you told me once that you've been to iceland; what's an interesting travel story you have?
i mean, they're all interesting to me, but probably not to other people. i had some pretty interesting experiences in africa and india. i stayed at an ashram and studied and worked there for a while. it was life altering for me, but it was also a very personal experience.
what's a funny memory you have of your son.. that you'll use to embarrass him when he's older?
this kid has no idea what kind of torture we put him through. i think right now while he's still as young as he is, the funniest things that have happened involve him either trying to gnaw my tit off or puking in my mouth. i hope this makes having children sound as glamorous as it is.
who are your top 3 most-played artists on spotify/apple music/etc.?
brothers of metal, magic sword and lazerhawk. i can honestly say it changes very regularly, this is just what spotify says is in heavy rotation right now.
what are you top 3 most-listened podcasts (aside from your own)? which have you learned the most from, in a professional sense?
well, i don't listen to my own so i would not necessarily say that's most listened to anyway. but probably last podcast on the left, my favorite murder, and the bright sessions right now. i've been having trouble finding something i actually want to listen to. i would say karen and georgia are #goals as far as podcasting professionally goes, but it's also not something i want to do as a full time job.
last extravagance? what are you a sucker for in that way?
i was about to go on a tangent about how i am not about that extravagant life, but then i remembered i bought myself a fucking piano for christmas and most recently an antique mic, so i guess i'm full of shit. i also bought my husband a boat because i am an idiot.
what's the greatest lesson you've learned from one of your enemies?
trust no one.
related: would you rather go through life unable to answer any questions or unable to ask any questions?
i think i would rather go through life unable to answer questions, because then i wouldn't be asked dumb questions by my family about their technology.
what's a difficult but necessary conversation that most people are unwilling to have (either with yourself or other people)?
this question made me think for a while because i couldn't decide on what the best answer was. but if we're talking in general and not necessarily from personal experience, i think admitting to someone that you wronged them, hurt them, stopped loving/caring/respecting them is absolutely necessary, but nearly impossible. i can't think of a time when i want to hear someone tell me they just don't care about me anymore. i couldn't bear hearing nate say he fell out of love with me, or having my best friend tell me they don't have respect for me any longer. i don't think people want to have to say it, either, but it has to happen. i think people deserve to know that much so they don't waste their time trying to appease people who genuinely do not care for them any longer.
as someone comfortable in their own skin, talk about how you got there.
i will start with this: i am 50% comfortable in my own skin. sometimes i can't stand myself and who i am and what's going on in my head, and other times i am very confident with myself and who i am and i will make sure people know. but that's only part time. i will go weeks in a bout of depression, feeling like the shell of a person who could do better, and sometimes i am whole and happy. it's like part of me vacations at her leisure without notice.
enough of the deep-digging. build your perfect ice-cream sundae. tell me what's on it. if ice-cream isn't your thing, build your ideal dessert.
chocolate ice cream with chunks of yellow cake and some kind of fudgy dark chocolate swirl, rainbow sprinkles, whipped cream and hot frothy coffee on the side.
heartstring time; what milestone of bel's are you excited for? all of them, i know, but name one. :)
him growing up and moving out. kidding. i guess just his first words. he already babbles a lot, so it should be any time now. wouldn't be surprised if it's 'fuck' though, because nathan has even less of a filter than i do.
tell us one phrase or object, without any context and for one reason or another, that will always make you smile. no details, no explanations, just name it
you're the professional; what's your favorite flower to work with? least favorite? be honest. you can make anything work, but there's usually one.
i can live without roses and baby's breath. there are more unique flowers out there. stop looking at the symbolism of every color and consider what flower reminds you of that special person. i'd say i like winter flowers because of the muted colors, dusty pastels and jewel tones. might explain why i got married in winter...twice.
what's something you want to learn how to do?
i don't know how to sew... or knit or crochet.
what's your universal cure-all?
silence, honey, green tea, ice cream, chocolate, coffee. all for different things. but if i just have to pick one? coffee. tired? coffee. cold? coffee. out with friends? coffee. sad? coffe!
lastly, share a favorite selfie. you're gorgeous. we all want to see it

big bitch energy always. but here's one just for you.
how is your hair always so gd perfect?
i shampoo it once a week and condition it everyday. but it's also woven from silk and unicorn fur, so it requires a bit of special care and a summoning circle every other wednesday.
what's the one thing you would like to change about yourself?
i can only pick one thing? i wish i didn't crave junk food.
what's the one thing you would like to change about yourself?
i can only pick one thing? i wish i didn't crave junk food and attention.
what's your philosophy in life?
i don't really have one. if i'm being completely honest, i'm just flying by the seat of my pants at this point. i guess at this point, take no shit but do no harm.
are you at all religious or spiritual?
spiritual yes, religious no. i grew up believing in eastern philosophy, but as i've gotten older i've begun to explore different things.
is what you're doing now what you always wanted to do growing up?
i wanted to be a musician, but i think what i'm doing is more important.
what makes you feel accomplished?
knowing that i can make a difference with what i am doing with my life. knowing that there might be a little girl out there that looks up to me, or there's someone i've helped with sherwood florist that will go on to do amazing things when she's done there..
what's your favorite book/movie of all time and why did it speak to you so much?
probably imajica by clive barker. it's a book i saw on my mom's bookshelf for years growing up, then i forgot all about it, and about 3 years ago i saw it again and decided to read it and fell in love. i can't explain why, but i can tell you the book you start with is not the same as the book you finish. it's a whole immersive beautiful world.
would you ever take back someone who cheated?
i would love to say no, but we all know it's not that easy.
who is that one person you can talk to about just anything?
the answer here is pretty obvious. i can talk nate about anything, including how bad my lady bits hurt after a wax or a long cycling session. but he's also like the only person i talk to, so.
if you are in a bad mood, do you prefer to be left alone or have someone to cheer you up?
let me wallow in silence and peace until i'm ready.
what's an ideal weekend for you?
i get to sleep in, then i get to sleep some more, breakfast in bed, followed by a nap. never putting on pants, taking a boiling hot bath, being tucked into a burrito and going to bed at like 8pm. that's the mother's ideal day weekend. but i want a bike ride, some brunch, a really good session in the ring, aerial silks, really slow and passionate sex, and funfetti cake.
what's your idea of a perfect vacation?

more of this.
what's one thing that people always misunderstand about you?
i must smell or come off as some terrible person because people seem to misunderstand everything about me.
when have you felt your biggest adrenaline rush?
jumping out of a plane, which i will absolutely never fucking do again unless i get paid exorbitant amounts of money.
what's on your bucket list this year?
see italy, grow my business, marie kondo the shit out of my house to make room for another bean.
what's been your biggest mistake so far in life and what did you learn from it?
rushing into things. i learned that patience is always the better way to go, so i've stopped trying to push for things and letting them happen more organically.
where is your favorite place in the entire world to go?
into the woods to be alone and ground myself. which is impossible here, but i can make it work when i have to.
what's something you can't go a day without doing?
drinking coffee. i turn into a raging bitch monster without it, so it's become a necessity.
what is the weirdest thing about you?
i don't eggs or any poultry. usually i just tell people i'm allergic, but just to settle it once and for all: i'm a fucking bird person, jeez.
if you could tell your former self one thing right now what would it be?
don't give up your daydream.
what was the last book you read?
the spirit almanac: a modern guide to ancient self care
what’s the greatest risk you’ve ever taken?
my career, my marriage and having a child over 30 comes to mind.
if you could have anybody else’s life, who’s would you take?
i don't want anyone elses life but my own, but i would be willing to trade with lady gaga for a few days just so i could stare at mark ronson.
have you ever seen something you can’t explain?
i am so angry that i can't think of a good answer for this, serious or not. no wonder i'm misunderstood, i can't even make lame jokes.
what would you consider to be your deepest fear?
decaf coffee.
what has been the biggest change you ever made that made you the most proud of yourself?
i've never given up on literally anything in my entire life. well, except ballet but i was like 3.
do you believe more in fate or that we are the creators of our own destinies because we are governed by free will?
six of one, half dozen of another. i think i believe in fate, but i also think we manifest our own destinies. like some things are set in stone for us from birth, but we fill in the rest with our own free will.